Lesson

Warm Up

In groups brainstorm actions that produce body fluids. The group with the most actions wins.

Example: Bursting a boil produces pus.

Listening Zone

Listen to the following dialogue between Abdul and his classmate, Mei-Ling.

Mei-Ling: You borrowed my pen, you swine! Now it’s out of ink!
Abdul: What’s your problem? Are you having your period?
Mei-Ling: Why yes, I am. How did you know? Am I leaking?
Abdul: Not that I can see. But, well, you’re a raving bitch and you look all bloated and pimply. My girlfriend has terrible PMS.
Mei-Ling: I get PMS too, but the main trouble is that I bleed like a stuck pig. I always spoil my knickers. And I have terrible cramps. Maria only has a bit of spotting because she’s on the pill.
Abdul: My girlfriend craves sugar when she’s on the rag.
Mei-Ling: I get a craving for salt. And my tits hurt like hell. But the week after I’m right randy so my boyfriend doesn’t mind too much.
Abdul: Does Mrs Teacher have PMS? She is bloated and bitchy all the time.
Mei-Ling: At her age? She is going through the Change. That’s why she’s so irritable. She gets hot flashes when you say really stupid things. She could use some HRT. That way, she wouldn’t have mood swings and vaginal dryness.
Abdul: Thank you for explaining! I have so much to learn! I hope we can talk next week, when you are randy as anything.

Practise this dialogue with a partner.

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Language Spot

Find some examples of the present simple and present continuous tenses in the conversation above. Can you see the difference in meaning? Which tense refers to repeated or habitual actions and which refers to temporary situations or actions going on at the moment of speaking?

Teachers: If you do not know the answer, take a furtive look at the Teacher’s Book for Unit 14.

Examples: And my tits hurt like hell. Am I leaking?

Are these habitual actions or temporary ones? (If you do not know what habitual means, which is likely, try to get your teacher to mime it. Or buy a coursebook with explanations in your own language.)

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Practice Pod

Male students ask female students, then discuss answers.

1. Do you...
   1. spot a little?
   2. spoil your knickers?
   3. get clots?
   4. bleed like a stuck pig?
   5. visit the casualty ward?
2. How many Tampax do you use per day?
   1. Just a panty liner.
   2. One or two.
   3. Three or four.
   4. Five or six.
   5. Two ten packs, not that is any business of yours.
3. How are your moods?
   1. I am very unhappy and read Russian poetry.
   2. I feel awful and read Keats.
   3. I feel horrid and read Sylvia Plath.
   4. I watch Xena Warrior Princess and crave red meat.
   5. I commit serial murders. Of men.
4. Myth or fact? Which of the following should you avoid during your period?
   1. Swimming.
   2. Sex.
   3. Having a perm.
   4. Talking to your significant other.
   5. Making decisions involving deployment of nuclear arms.
5. How do you feel the week after?
   1. Happy it’s over and needing to buy shoes.
   2. Still aggrieved, but needing to purchase objects.
   3. Very tired and tempted to shoplift.
   4. Randy as anything.
   5. All of the above.