As a highly skilled English language teacher with an impressive repertoire, you will naturally display a range of stances in class. Here Terry (pictured above) from the Bell School takes us through some typical classroom postures and the situations in which you use them.

 

Sorry, the clock in the teachers’ room has stopped...

 

Hi, everyone, great to see you, my name’s Terry and I’m your new teacher. I predict we’re going to have a fabulous time together!

 

No, the future perfect is more of a um you know tense you’d be better off studying in the next level...

 

No, not pushing, what am I doing? No, not attracting, begins with P, come on, keep guessing...

 

Ha ha, well spotted, deliberate mistake! Of course, I meant a non-defining relative clause!

 

I feel the teacher’s a lot less threatening if he or she sits on the floor. Besides, the students have hidden my chair.

 

You see, if I put the yellow Cuisenaire rod on top of the blue Cuisenaire rod, we have a past event which continues up to the present! What do you mean, you don’t understand?

 

Student A, you’re telephoning Student B to arrange a meeting for 2 o’clock. So, Monika, what are you doing? No, that’s Student B. Oh, you are Student B. OK, sorry, so Basil, what are you doing? Basil? Basil, are you Student A or B? No, you can’t be B, Monika’s B. All right, I’ll number you again and this time, pay attention.

 

And no cheating while my back’s turned!

 

Right, now we’re going to have some fun. I’ve invented this game called—wait for it—Present Participle Challenge. No, it’s a winner. trust me...

 

Of course! A mistake in the answer key! Those bastards at Longman are going to wish they’d never been born!

 

Erm, that’s a very good question.

 

Wake me up when the tape stops.

 

Right, every morning I get up and—what do I do? No, I don’t suck a penis, Pedro, very funny, settle down everyone, so what do I do? We all do it every morning and before you make another suggestion, Pedro, remember I’ll be talking to your mother at the parents’ evening next week.

 

No, you useless little fuckwits, it can’t possibly be the past—we’re talking about tomorrow!

 

Was that you, Pedro?

 

So you think you’re hard, do you, laddie? Well, you come over here and we’ll see who’s the big girl’s blouse!

 

OK, OK, Pedro, point taken, go back to your desk.

 

I know, it was the worst lesson I’ve ever taught. Well, the worst that you’ve ever watched me teach.

 

I’ve been sacked!

 

Of course, what the average teacher does not want is the DOS looking over his shoulder...