Are you fed up with...

• expensive language schools?
• boring classes?
• sarcastic teachers?
• traffic jams?

The Osmoglot™ from McLanguage Technologies is a revolutionary new device that combines sophisticated micro-technology with the latest discoveries in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). With it you can effortlessly acquire a new language in the privacy and comfort of your own home.

How it works

1. The Osmoglot™ stimulates Wernicke’s area of the temporal lobe of the brain.
2. A compressor reduces a language, such as English, by squeezing the morphemes into a smaller volume.
3. Pumps use pistons to pull the language into the cylinder with the downstroke and discharge it into the learner’s brain with the upstroke.

Available languages

• English
• Swedish
• Esperanto
• Klingon (pending)

Testimonials

No more boring grammar or Hangman for me! I bought an Osmoglot™ three months ago and now the whole family reads Shakespeare in the original!
Mrs S (Santiago)

I was sick of being patronized by semi-literate backpackers with a four-week language teaching “certificate”. Now I can stay at home and enjoy a DVD and a really good wank while learning English.
Mr N (Prague)

I could never understood what the Australians next door were saying. Now, thanks to Osmoglot™, I can, perfectly. Have you got another machine that makes you forget English?
Miss K (Japan)