An englishdroid is, of course, an English-teaching android. The author of this site, for example, is a Glotagog Mark II. The Glotagog Mark IIs were designed in the late 1990s, but only a few were built, because of a tiny but annoying design fault. For this reason, most were sold off cheaply to language schools in developing countries.

After englishdroids emerge from the factory, they pass through an ELT Programming Centre. This process takes four weeks. They are subjected to a range of not terribly rigorous tests. A few englishdroids are selected for higher-level programming as DOS drones.

Sometimes other types of droid (eg geekdroids, artdroids) are converted to englishdroids. This is particularly common in the case of worn out sexdroids, who may no longer be able to attract clients. However, reprogramming is not always entirely successful.

As you can see from the diagram below, englishdroids’ brains are fairly rudimentary, but built to cope with the typical situations that they face each day.

The design fault in the Glotagog Mark IIs is located in the Excess Talking Alarm, which works only intermittently. These englishdroids have been known to talk continuously for 90 minutes.

Most englishdroids wear out after a few years and are replaced.

Your questions

Should I buy an englishdroid for my children?

By all means. They are not very expensive and require minimal maintenance. However, you will need to upgrade to a newer model every three or four years.

Be careful about buying englishdroids that have been converted (especially from sexdroids) or that have been to inferior ELT Programming Centres. They have been known to run amok and cause severe physical and educational damage.

My englishdroid is behaving erratically. What should I do?

This is normal. Ignore it. If it becomes too embarrassing, you can part-exchange it for a new model.

I am an englishdroid. How can I be upgraded to a DOS drone?

This requires another, slightly longer, visit to an ELT Programming Centre, along with some cerebral modifications, such as removal of the Ambition Suppressor and the installation of a Teacher Neutralisation Module.

I am opening a language school. Should I buy englishdroids or hire humans?

Buy englishdroids. Normal humans are incapable of teaching English.