It is a source of some disquiet to the English language teaching “profession” that Prince Charles has not said anything barmy about it yet. Architecture, town planning, agriculture, medicine and education in general have all been done over by the prince, but ELT has so far escaped. This is strange, because he likes to have a go at what he thinks are fashionable orthodoxies and ELT presents an obvious target.

Anticipating him, we could claim that the old-fashioned ways of teaching languages were the best. At school we learned languages like Latin the hard way: declensions, conjugations, cases, moods, etc. Whereas these modern touchy-feely communicative methods... (You can complete this paragraph yourself.)

We could provoke the prince by pestering him with information about various barmy ELT methodologies. This would lead either to appalled denunciation or (as he is somewhat unpredictable) to wild enthusiasm. At any rate it should get us some publicity.

In the unlikely event of Britain becoming a republic and confiscating their immense wealth, he and the other Royals would need to find jobs. English language teaching seems an obvious choice. Who better to teach the Queen’s English than the Queen herself? (OK, OK, there are quite enough queens in ELT already.) The whole family are no strangers to the art of standing for hours in front of a series of bored audiences.

English teaching demands little in the way of intellectual skills, so would be perfect for a family that has never embarrassed others with its braininess. All of the Royals have extensively visited foreign parts and are well aware of local cultural sensitivities, having upset them on several occasions. And with their strong sense of duty, they would doubtless show up when hungover or agree to teach the classes nobody wants.

But would you want to share a staff room with them?