Some late arrivals at the English Language Teachers’ Ball. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome:

• The Alects and their daughter Di
• Mr and Mrs Bus and their daughter Cilla
• Mrs Dard-English and her son Stan
• The Ded-Readers and their son Guy
• Mrs Drill and her daughter Coral
• Mr Phil Er
• Mr Matt Erials
• The Gling-Participles and their son Dan
• The Glots and their daughter Polly
• The Guages and their son Len
• The Guists and their daughter Lyn
• Mrs Ical-Set and her son, Alex
• The Icles and their son Art
• Mr Iting and his daughter Alice
• Mr and Mrs Lentway and their son Cy
• Ms Eva Luation
• Mrs Lytuned-Input and her son Ralph
• The Mal-Pairs and their daughter Minnie
• Mr and Mrs Manistic-Teaching and their son Hugh
• Count Abel Noun
• Mrs O’Lar-Ridge and her son Alfie
• Mr O’Lingual-Method and his daughter Audrey
• Mr and Mrs O’Phone and their son Al
• The Perlatives and their daughter Sue
• Mr Petition and his son Ray
• Mr and Mrs Ster and their son Reggie
• Miss Take
• Mr and Mrs Tation and their son Dick
• Mr and Mrs Ting and their daughter Tess
• The Tionaries and their son Dick
• Mr and Mrs Tonation and their son Ian
• Mr Ed Way
• The Yms and their son Anton

The idea comes from I’m Sorry, I Haven’t A Clue, a long-running British radio programme, described as “the antidote to panel games”.