Had enough of your sarcastic, unappreciative DOS? Tired of the jargon-spouting bunglers at the top of the school’s food chain? At some point every teacher’s thoughts turn to resignation. But should you leave? And what sort of exit should you make?

Should I leave my job?
For millennia wise peasants have counselled against rash moves, with old saws like: Look before you leap. Don’t throw out dirty water until you get in clean. On the other side the grass looks greener. Out of the frying pan into the fire. These all mean: do not even think about leaving our shitty, verminous village and your life of grinding poverty.

School managers similarly paint ominous pictures of the alternatives to your present job. There are five arguments they use against leaving:

1. The salary at the other place may be higher, but everything else—students, timetable, promotion prospects, resources, health cover, job security, weather, totty, etc—will be far worse.
2. The salary at the other place may be higher, but so is the cost of living, so you will be worse off. (Used by DOSes in countries that pay the crappiest salaries.)
3. If you stay another ten years, there is a chance you will get promoted.
4. When you realize you have made a terrible mistake, don’t think we will take you back just like that.
5. How can you leave when we have been so nice to you? (For example, the school paid your medical expenses, as it was contractually obliged to.)

Some of these points may, in fact, be true, eg Point 3. The most useless people get promoted in the end, simply by outstaying the brighter sparks, who all leave. In general, though, you should take any job that pays 20% more than your present one, unless it is at EF Baghdad, in which case hold out for 30%.

How should I resign?
From englishdroid’s maxims: Better jobs in other schools are advertised the month after you renew your contact.

This means you will have to leave before it ends. Most English language teachers have no compunction about doing this. This could be a terrible misjudgement. Behind every puny DOS stands a much more alarming figure: the school owner. These are usually gangsters, who use language schools to launder the proceeds of gambling dens, brothels, extortion rackets, etc. They do not take kindly to teachers who show “disrespect”. A word from the DOS and you will wake up to armed police all over your bedroom discovering strange packages in your wardrobe.

Some teachers just bolt for it. In that case, check your documentation first. I remember three EF teachers who were not allowed on to the plane, because they did not have exit visas in their passports. They had to slink back into school next day.

It is perhaps more prudent to play by the rules. You can always haggle over the penalty clause.

How rude can I be?
Once you know you are going, it is tempting to tell everyone how crap you think the school, the DOS and certain other teachers are. This is irresponsible and immature and an opportunity not to be passed up lightly.

Bearing in mind that you may need a reference from the DOS at a later date, it is safest not to be rude to his face. Instead produce a bland, but feeble reason for your resignation. You could also add some insincere praise.

• My wife/boyfriend/hamster doesn’t like the climate here.
• I’m very excited about the coursebook at the new school.
• I’ve learned so much from you, I feel I must spread this knowledge to other schools.
• God has told me to go.

Smile serenely as you say this and watch the DOS struggle to make a civil reply.

Meanwhile feed the school gossips a different explanation. You can be creative. The DOS was sexually harassing you. You have heard the school is in trouble and salaries are to be slashed. At your new school the teachers get cars.

If the owner asks why you are going, tell them you have no complaints about the management of the school, but say it in an anxious I-don’t-want-to-get-anyone-into-trouble sort of way.

The last day
Some teachers hate their DOS or colleagues so much, they cannot even bring themselves to say goodbye. This looks pathetic and will provoke derision rather than hurt any feelings. It is better to go around with a spring in your step, shaking hands vigorously and saying goodbye in a magnanimous tone. If any of your students have given you farewell presents, make sure everyone knows.

Aftermath
Of course, you will want to email old colleagues about how much better your new school is. Alas, nobody is forgotten as quickly as an English language teacher. No matter how wonderful or ghastly you were, as soon as your old desk has a new occupant, you will be a dim memory.

Anyway, forget your old school. In a few months you will have to start planning your next resignation.