As a DOS, you need a large repertoire of facial expressions for the different situations you deal with each day. If a teacher tells you her goldfish has died, for example, you must look terribly concerned, but with a sort of grimace which means, “Don’t think that will get you out of a full day’s teaching.”

It helps if you can practise these faces in the mirror at home. Here are some of the more common ones.

I don’t think that’s very funny.	I’d love to say yes, but...
And what time do you call this?	Uh? Sorry, which item are we on?
We’ve never done it like that before.	Well, that’s a very radical suggestion.
Oh, it was your idea, Mrs Gorgon!	So what was your lesson aim at that point, exactly?
Well, it certainly wasn’t my fault.	But what if Mrs Gorgon finds out?
Oh dear, how awful, you must feel terrible.	Ha ha ha, Mrs Gorgon, that’s so amusing!
I’m sorry, the teachers won’t be getting a pay rise this year.	What, the DOS won’t either?
All teachers—in my office now!	Chomsky?